How do I make these holes smaller without using a washer which would raise the height of the screw head? http://t.co/4ll2cJnb

LOL at this week’s Simpsons episode. “The biggest Internet failure since… Anyone? Anyone? Ask Jeeves”

This fortune cookie does not make sense. I assume they mean “bath”? http://t.co/769nyhjg

My first Android App: https://t.co/rDiBvfYb If you have an Android device, try it, it’s free!

“Alexis, do you know where daddy’s wallet is?” “Garbage.” It was not but she made me look! Luckily I found it hidden in the couch later.

I just developed my first android app. When you launch it, it says “Hello Anna!” I think I can market this to all Anna’s in the world.

Woody in the NYTimes Music section, go Woody! http://t.co/oT0UABzJ

Check out this sign that Semsky shared with me. ROTFLMAO! http://t.co/blVzIVmu

I now own a square foot of land at the Laphroaig distillery. If I visit, I get to collect my “grounds rent” http://t.co/TQeSQPFA
I just bought: ‘J&D’s Food Ultimate Bacon Lover’s Gift Pack; 3.25-Pound’ by J&D’s Foods, Inc. via @amazon http://t.co/kawzwgDg

Which of my friends watches The Jersey Shore? I want to pay you to watch the next episode*